Despite some post-grad hiccups, I’m really grateful for a lot of things.
I’m so thankful that, while the average person only has two close confidantes, I’ve been blessed with two handfuls of invaluable friends who’ve let me crash out their places without notice, thrown me surprise birthday parties, listened to me rant and cry, and then in the blink of an eye been able to get me hysterically laughing. I know people like you are rare, so to all the friends reading this: thank you.
And I’m thankful for my small but close family, especially since I’m pretty sure my mom is one of the only five people who regularly reads this blog. Hi mom!
I’m really glad I was able to go to a top college, to take some time to travel, to find volunteer work that fulfilled me and changed my world view. Even if I get nothing else this holiday season, I feel I already have enough to get me through the year (but, um, please still get me presents).
Anyway, I normally don’t feel the need to respond defensively to narcissistic listicles, but I’m a bit appalled by the lack of humility in Lauren Martin’s list of holiday wishes in Elite Daily. Yes, we all have our own selfish wishes, and I’m sure at least some of her points are sarcastic. But besides throwing her mom under the bus for buying her J. Crew sweaters (at least say thank you before you complain!) and asking for someone else to call her grandma, she makes it seem like all 20-something single ladies want cheap and safe liposuction, Beyonce’s thighs, Kim K.’s ass, and the ability to eat cake without getting fat.
But what saddens me is that a lot of women might actually relate to her list. If you could ask for anything, then you must be in a lot of internal pain if half of your wish list includes surgery and changing your looks. Actually, this is one of the reasons I stopped reading a lot of “women’s health” articles–no one should have to be taken down like that on a regular basis. I steer clear of anything related to weight-loss whenever possible, instead opting for NatGeo, Washington Post and any blog with pictures of baby animals.
So for all the ladies who felt disenfranchised by that list, I offer you my own. I don’t think anyone will agree with everything here–and I encourage you to comment with more recommendations!–but I want to show people that many young, unwed women want things other than permanent eyeliner and hookups:
- The means to spend significant time traveling
- A job related to the career we eventually want
- For our favorite nonprofit to get a steady stream of donations
- To get cheap, attractive clothing that’s actually comfortable
- Good health!
- A puppy who’s potty trained
- Also, a pet sloth. Also potty trained
- An end to catcalling–I agree with Lauren on this one
- Enough money so our parents can comfortably retire to Boca Raton or wherever all the cool old people go nowadays. Ontario? Portland? Um, Tucson?
- More time and money to spend with friends
- To actually live in the SAME BUILDING with all our besties (slumber party, every night)
- More brunch. Doesn’t even have to be bottomless, like Lauren requests
- To finally get recognized for our talents
- A car with its own driver
- Plan B: for the bus to ALWAYS arrive right when we do, and wait for us to board
- A rent-free apartment in a great area. Lauren also got this one right
- Unlimited dance lessons for a year, in an assortment of the best styles
- Free snowboarding for the winter, including lessons
- The ability to use that free snowboarding wish without breaking an arm
- A summer home
- A dishwasher so we can cook and bake with impunity. And by dishwasher, I mean an actual person who magically gets paid a living wage to do this
- Actually, yes, a living wage would also be nice
- And maybe a chef, so someone else can cook and bake with impunity
- And a maid, because the modern woman isn’t always a domestic goddess. We’re so busy taking over the world that sometimes we forget to take out trash for a day…or week…
- The ability to take back what we say on the interwebz or email
- For the library to always have the exact books we want, without having to order them
- For Netflix to actually have movies we want to watch. It has maybe five at the moment
- The ability to wear PJs into the office, everyday
- A portable phone charger, because the newer batteries seem to die within two hours
- A shiny new bike. Some things never get old
- For it to be socially acceptable to play and be childish
- Also, for it to be socially acceptable for women to burp and fart. Men can do it!
- Ok, one “thirsty” one: for the nice, attractive guy to actually be straight AND single
- One good turn deserves another: to be able to meet that guy offline
- Ok, ok, and also for that guy not to be a horn dog
- …And to be really good at killing bugs and mice
- An electric guitar/keyboard/bass. Because we’re badass.
- For the nerds: for Congress to ACTUALLY pass a woman-friendly bill
- To never again encounter a stale or subpar slice of cake
- To have a generous stranger pay off our student loans
- For that generous stranger to reappear and sponsor our grad degree
- Actually, free tuition. If Germany can do it, so can we
- To have software that can translate other languages in real time
- To finally catch ‘em all. Pokemon!
- To be a more persuasive speaker and writer
- A sled and a good hill (mom, if you’re still reading, can I have this?)
- To have a kick-ass soundtrack play during our most dramatic moments
- For delicious food to be on the table at every meal
- And to be able to share that food with the local homeless people
- To ALWAYS be the party
- And finally, to spend the holidays with all our favorite people, every year
Happy holidays, and thanks for reading my long list!